Step 3

I read some great things this morning and wanted to post them.

Step 3 (in SA book):  Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him.

Here are the realities that I now accept. (Doing a thorough step 1 inventory helped on this):  I am powerless over lust and all its forms: fantasizing, anything pornographic/stimulating.  I am just useless on my own, in my own head.  Luckily, I am now truly believing that God can and will restore me to sanity and recovery.

This step is practicing surrender.  Anytime I make a call or connect with someone else, I am surrendering.  Here's an example.  Yesterday I ran into some trouble at work.  I was lusting bad.  I wanted to 'drink' some images....anything really.  I was 'thirsty!"  I had to stop. I had to admit how insane I was acting.  I had to leave the room and call my sponsor.  At first, I didn't even think beyond that.  As I talked to him i explain I was making a call, that I was lusting and didn't know why.   We talked a bit.  We discussed some of the things I was feeling.  I felt a little better. But I wasn't done here..

I went back to the office and surrendered specifically.  "There is no surrender in the abstract."  I outlined to God exactly what I was lusting after.  I prayed for the objects of my lust.  That is all they have become "objects."  Whether be an actual woman, a smell, a shape, a sound, any trigger will do.  I then prayed for that person and apologized for taking.  Lust is taking.  Lust is stealing as my sponsor described.   It doesn't matter if that person chooses to dress inappropriately or even if that person is virtual or if that person wants to be lusted after, it is still stealing.  Love is giving.  Love is outward.

I also assessed how I was feeling and why.  I didn't stress over it.  I am no psychologist, but we can tell what things are going on. Sometimes even just saying what I am feeling to God or to someone else is enough even without the analysis.  Sometimes half the battle is simply admitting that you are "off."


It is okay to be off. I am powerless over myself even.  The third step is about letting go.  Letting go of ourselves.  Letting go of all the crap I have done over the years.  Letting go of your fears. Letting go of trying to control everything.   And letting God.  Letting God work his will.   I just have to make the decision for now. I just have to be humble and submissive, which isn't so hard now....I've been beaten to the ground trying to battle this.  I have failed pursuing my will hundreds of times.

I also commit and decide to work the rest of the steps of the program and accept the advice of my sponsor.

Day 104 today.  Always one day at a time.