ABC's of addiction

So I want this blog to focus on recovery and addiction (enough of my dating life)

This post derives from Andrew's rowboat and marbles post. but I wanted to post my thoughts on it. I truly believe what he is talking about.


ABC....the levels of addiction. And why we are fighting the wrong battles.

A = debilitating negative emotions
B = lust
C = sexually acting out

We spend alot of our time trying to remove C.  Removing C is putting a filter on the computer, putting the computer in a high traffic area,  having rules/boundaries with your wife about sex, trying to "not think about sex", only masturbating once a week ("ok I will go 2 weeks this time!").  This are certainly good measures to have. Yet, we expend a lot of energy on trying to simply curb our behavior. We have great schemes and plans.  Why don't all us addicts just lock ourselves up in a white padded room for a whole year with no women around???  That will 'cure' us, right??

NO.

B generates more C. 

B is lust.  Lust is wrongly/selfishly using ourselves, others, things to attempt to satisfy our own appetites regardless of consequences.  It is the polar opposite of love.  It is Satan's GREATEST counterfeit.

But we are honest LDS men! We aren't selfish!! But we are...  Lust is more than just looking at porn. Lust is a monster that can be fed in numerous ways: viewing porn, acting out, dirty literature, fantasy, trying to connect with women to feed ourselves, even non-sexually, objectification, imagination, leering, thinking to yourself, "dang she is hot..she's hotter than my girl/wife", etc.  The bottom line is that we are TAKING from others....from women to get some sort of fix. Even saying to ourselves, "but she is so beautiful. She is like a priceless piece of art...a beautiful sunset." - well, you just compared her to an object. (objectification, BTW)

"But I didn't go all the way!!  I didn't click on that dirty site!"...But you were thinking it...but your lust was being fed.  Sad part is that lust is "cunning, baffling."  We read that in SA all the time. Addicts don't realize they are lusting. We don't even realize it half the time. That's why we need the help of trained people who see clearly. We need the fellowship. We need sponsors. We need therapists.

We are powerless alone against lust.

A generates more B.

A are the debilitating negative emotions. Fear, resentments, shame, humiliation, depression, loneliness, rage, remorse, GUILT.
As LDS men we can't drink. We can't smoke.  We can't use drugs.  Those things are an obvious NO-NO. So we turn to lust/porn. 

Removing the A is the part that we absolutely need the help from others. We have to pump to sewerage out.  This part takes time!!   I have been going to group meetings, seeing therapists for the past 3-4 years.  I have never gotten far with recovery.  "But I'm going to meetings! But I am seeing the therapist! But I saw the bishop 3 times last month."  Those are great things, BUT WE MUST GET TO THE ROOTS!! 

That is why deep self-reflecting/self-honesty is the way to clean it out.  It must be a spiritual cleansing above all. God gave man weakness that he may be HUMBLE.  But with the atonement, our weaknesses can be strengths!  We have to utterly admit our powerlessness.  I will say this again, "IT IS NOT WEAKNESS TO ADMIT YOU ARE WEAK!"  THE OPPOSITE....IT IS STRENGTH.  I can't comment more on overcoming A because that is where I am at currently.  The reason I am on day 62 today (which is the longest I have gone clean in 6 years...since the mission) is because I am finally working the program.  I am finally working on my emotions, my resentements, etc. I never thought i was resentful.  "I am such a nice guy. Everyone was mean to me!"  See what i mean? You have to work the program thoroughly.  I have going to be writing the fourth step inventory in the next week or so. I want to get it all out!


This is a long post but I feel strongly about this. We can't be wishy-washy anymore.  We have to decide to forfeit the addiction on all levels or don't at all.  No more bandaids on gapping wounds!

One. Day. At. A. Time.  (one hour at a time if you have to)