More meetings

I feel at peace today. I don't feel a tremendous amounts of stress.  I am letting go of my fierce grip on life.

Harsh realization yesterday. I had a good chat with my sponsor (funny how he tells me that he can't sponsor right now and needs to focus on his own healing, but still dishes out great advice)

I live a busy life. I try to. I plan it that way.  I work four 10 hour days. On the of days I am busy morning to night.  I accomplish alot usually.  But why?? Why do i overload myself??

Am i avoiding?? I think i might be.

If I take away all the things i DO and think about what the bare Warrior looks like....it isn't much. I am anxious, fearful, and lonely.  I don't have the best self-love.  I don't do well with down time.

Thus the need for more meetings.

I went to a meeting last night instead of going to my institute class. I even go with a friend. I had to text her and say i wouldn't make it. But institute??  That is a GOOD activity, but I felt strongly impressed to let go of my will and go to a meeting.

I had a thought about that today. I went to a 6 am meeting this morning and was heading to work after. This huge amount of meetings and recovery work for me is like boot camp.  What is the role of boot camp????  It is like a shock treatment.  You are pounded into submission. They make you run, get up early, work, work work.  The objective is to pound the ego out of you.

Well, I am letting 12-step meetings pound the ego out of me. I need it all out. I am taking step 1 like I never have before.  I give up!!  I surrender!!  I want to become a true Warrior in God's army....so I continue my boot camp training!

And in so doing....becoming a little child. I am a helpless baby against the addiction.  Just like a baby needs constant help and support....so do I. But that's okay.