Surrendering Lust of the Eyes

Quick post today.  So life is moving forward. I’m staying sober and practicing a life of recovery. I do my best to connect with God daily. My prayers are getting more meaningful and sometimes more desperate.  I realize that I pray to God on a very regular basis….probably 10-15 times a day.  I’m constantly having to surrender.  Every thought and every thing that I see.  I think surrender and living a life of no lusting and no taking requires more than I first realized.  Even if I see a beautiful, modest girl, I have to specifically say to myself, “yes, heavenly father, she is beautiful and has a beautiful figure and body. Good for her. Bless her.  I will not look again and I will let it go.”

Honestly, I cannot look at any girl like that. None of these women belong to me. They are not mine. And honestly, when I am married....I don't think i have full liberties to lust after my wife either.

I read an excellent article on "Porn to Purity" about this.  The idea that I am attracted to girls and yes even to their beauty and figures is not the sin….the lusting, the looking longingly is.  It turns a girl/woman who are daughters of an infinite being into objects. They are not.

So I have really been working on this.

I was also able to attend the temple this past Saturday. It was one of the most remarkable experiences in a temple I’ve ever had. My little brother went through for the first time. The new endowment ceremony video was awesome!! Wow, it certainly portrayed the story in a whole new light.  I was filled with clear revelation that it was true.  I especially like how Eve was protryaeed.  I will spare details because we covenant to keep all of it sacred but it certainly increased my testimony of God and also his role in the universe.

I have greater desires now to pursue marriage and family like I haven’t had in several months.  I know I am an addict but I am not hopeless and I am committed.  I have to surrender that fear and anxiety of having to bring that into a marriage but aside from my addiction I really do have a lot of offer.  I commit to being a solid, respectable, loving, honest husband to whomever God allows me to marry.