So I need to dump right now. It is becoming apparent that there are so many levels to recovery and healing. Stopping the act is just the beginning. I am pleased that I am not intaking more lust and images and filth. I am very grateful for that.
But some things have been bothering me. I realize that I have more fears and worries that I want to write down. I am not sure how to approach/address them at the moment but I am going to diligently seek some reprieve or comfort from God.
· I fear I’ll date and date this girl – and somehow still not be interested
· I fear that the moment life or the relationship gets stressful – I’ll crash and burn and be right back in my addiction.
· I fear that the main reason I am dating this girl is b/c I know how much it helps me stay sober
· I fear that the main reason I like dating her is the evenings where we get to hold each other, cuddle, and kiss. (it is rather nice, this is the first time in my life I have enjoyed this.)
· I fear that if she gains weight or can’t keep up with my active, adventurous lifestyle – I’ll be less physically attracted to her and seek that elsewhere.
· I fear she may be the more assertive and committed one in the relationship and I’ll shrink back and feel less important, less needed.
Those are the fears I have. I do desire to live by faith. Well, at least, I greatly desire to want to live by faith. I don’t necessarily know at this moment what to do with the fears, but I felt a need to write them out.
I want to pray about these things all week. I get to go to the temple on Friday!! (I’m even nervous about that)
How else can we let go or deal with fears?? (We can't sweep them under the rug, but we can't let them sweep us under the rug either)
Day 59 today. One. Day. At. A. Time
For me the answer lies at the end of each of your posts. One day at a time. We must trust in the Lord and have faith that he will help us in the future but we can only worry about today. We truly must live in the present and take life one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteyou are very right. All i can do is one day at a time. And God never seems to just give me answers. A lot of these fears we have are things we have to work out. He helps, but he's not always going to tell us exactly what to do.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing GREAT! I always think that people who are worried about these things are the ones who beat those things. It's when you stop worrying that it's scary.
ReplyDeleteHere's my piece of unsolicited advice, if possible don't wait until Friday to go to the temple. Satan knows you have that recommend and he doesn't like it.
Warrior- the fact that you can articulate your fears is an accomplishment in and of itself. Way to go.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it suck to be scared, have fears? We all have them...especially in the realm of relationships. It takes courage to put yourself out there like this. I commend you. It's a tough battle even though I haven't experienced this addiction for myself, I know that it ruined my marriage and broke up our family. What's interesting is the fact that Satan hasn't stopped with my ex husband. he's trying to ruin me as well. It's a tough battle, but I don't see any other way. I won't let him get me too. It's a worthy fight my friend...You're doing awesome!
ReplyDelete