More step 2 moments...

Dang, I've been posting alot. that's what I get for thinking too much.  I'll be brief.  I had a real special moment during lunch today.

I took a break and went to the local library.  I printed off the ARP manual's step 2 portion.  I go mainly to SA meetings and it kinda dawned on me that we don't talk enough about Christ and healing and 'tender mercies'.  We mention God and a 'higher power.'

But today I wanted to feel something different.  My recovery has been very rocky lately. I am not tapping into the spiritual realm enough. A program of recovery is a spiritual program.  Any AA or SA or PASG or ARP meeting is going to tell you that.  It truly is.

While I was reading this portion, i got to the questions at the end.  These questions are money!

• What evidences of God and his love have you experienced?
• Write about your feelings today of being humble and willing to turn to Christ above all other sources of help in your recovery efforts.
• Write about the Savior's compassion and patience
• How do you feel about sharing your feelings with the Lord?

While writing I was overwhelmed with alot of divine love.  I don't write about my feelings towards God much. I think i've really been leaving him out.  The question hit me home about recognizing that programs and people are great and all, but true recovery comes from God/Christ.

I feel God's love when I let myself be humble and when I sincerely seek him out.  I felt that today. And it felt really good. This is the real feeling that I am searching for.  Not the pleasure/arousal i get from porn.  It is so hollow and fleeting.  In those moments, I am trying to connect with something....with something that isn't there.

I desire more spirituality in my life.  Not just meetings and step work.  (I am going to continue that as well).  I decided to attend a PASG meeting this Wednesday (and even canceled an invite from a girl in my ward to see a movie with her and her friends).

I've missed God. He is a kind man. He is a good man. He is a caring man. I like to think of him that way. He just never seems to give up on me....I really really appreciate that.