#17 Today IS monday!!

Great weekend for me. I'm living life as best as I can one day at a time.  I can't stress this concept enough. I feel like everyone should adopt this principle. If you do any sort of research on happy or successful people you'll see that many live in the moment. Sure, we have plans. We have goals. But even the most grandiose ambitions and schemes have to be realized one day at a time.

So....my dilemma right now is the dating/girl one. As always.  I always seem to think that I can handle it. Sometimes I wonder what I CAN handle in life. haha. (I did summit 4 mountain peaks in one day last Wednesday...I can accomplish some feats!).

So...I went out with a really nice and sweet girl on Friday. And also on Saturday. (We scheduled for Saturday but when my plans Friday night fell through she invited me over to make pizza). And then we went for a long walk Sunday. It was kinda nice. We got rained on a bit. We went across all of downtown and even up City Creek park in Salt Lake. Real nice. I miss that.

But I have the knot in my stomach. I had it this morning too.  The fact of the matter is that I haven't felt the 'green light' from God to pursue dating. I really haven't.  I have a lot of work to do as an addict. Alot. I'm still very much struggling with unmanageability and also establishing consistent sobriety.

And there are so many fears involved. Dating/relationships cause me anxiety to say the least.  I had to call a friend before Friday and all he could say was, "Dude, its just one date....Just have fun. Forget the rest."

Excellent advice.

Well, I am very involved in everything else I do in life.  I did alot of service and connecting with others on Sunday. I conducted elders quorum, chatted with new people in the ward, greeted the one investigator, home taught 2 separate households (one lesson turned out to be real good), had dinner with 2 girls that are new to the ward, and even blessed some girl's apartment with the elder's quorum president.

I'm not trying to brag but sometimes us addicts need to give ourselves some credit. We're just a little lacking emotionally and spiritually. We're not scum. I don't think anyone else thinks so. We're certainly harder on ourselves than others.

Another set of good news....since i lost my wallet including my temple recommend during memorial day weekend....my bishop is going to let me have mine back. He said that yesterday at church. I am excited about that.  I'm going to make for sure that I go every single week.  Also, I wholeheartedly commit to doing recovery daily.  I can't promise i'll stop being an addict. My lust allergy is still in full force. I'm still 5 minutes to relapsing at any given moment in time.  But I can commit to doing my part. And with some faith....God will allow me to stay sober.  I don't know of any other way because frankly....I can't do it.