Alright i'm burned out. Work is too busy. I was really trying to get everything done today. I'm supposedly getting work off the rest of the week. I think i'm going to come in early morning. I'm supposed to be hanging out with my family too. Tomorrow starts the family reunion. I got home late last night from camping. 4 more days of people and nonstop fun. (I'm kinda dragging my feet to leaving here on time...i'm enjoying a quiet office....)
I think i'm going to go on a solo backpacking trip this coming weekend. Some days I want to pull a Jonah. I feel like porn addiction is Ninevah. No wonder he didn't want to go. And on the boat, he just wanted someone to throw him in. Get it over with. I get how he feels. I think getting swallowed by a whale would be an awesome adventure.
I hate this addiction. I hate it. But I love it. Cheap, easy pleasure every time. I'm beginning to realize more and more how much I really loath myself. I'm very talented in many ways but with anything emotional....I hate how I handle it. I'm a freakin basket case. I can't stand people getting too close to me. I don't like any sort of attachments. I don't like compliments. (which is interesting, becasue this girl i'm trying to avoid but not...is always complimenting me). I feel that I am easily likeable but in the end....I can't stand the idea of someone loving me or investing their emotional energy into me. I feel like a bad investment. I have
Well, i'm just having the Monday blues. I am writing out these words to the blogger world. So many these days. And it's only a drop in the ocean. Right now....hundreds of marriages are suffering because of porn addiction. It just doesn't make much sense. And the poor women can't compete. They simply cannot.
I wonder...if I had the choice of simply having the sexual drive/impulse for anything removed...right now, i'd take up that chance. I'd pay big money for that. It'd be better than getting lasik. (which i would love as well..contacts are a pain! especially on camping trips....)
holy cow! This is me! I REJECT attachments. I don't want people to have to burden themselves with me. I am uncomfortable with compliments. I was going to write a post about this stuff soon!
ReplyDeleteKeep truckin', warrior. It will come. :)