#19 Wednesday study

I’ll be quick because I’m at work.  I met with the bishop last night.  I was feeling mixed on the whole thing. He pulls out his recommend book and begins the questions.  I answer to the affirmative on all the questions. We get to the “Do you live the law of chastity?” and I don’t feel it.  I said no.  I said that I am not going to answer yes until I feel that I am.  Right now, I feel like I’m trying to get this recommend to look good in front of others.  My little brother was going to be entering the temple for his endowments this Saturday.  But my mom let me know Monday night that this was cancelled.  Also, with going out with girls, I feel this need to boast about being temple worthy and going to the temple.

Well, I’m not going to do it until I feel that I am ready, even if the bishop says I am.  It’s not his recommend.  This is between me and God. I will not offend my Father.

My reading this morning included:

Addicts, it seems, have two options:

1.       Indulge/act out on the impulse

2.       Resist/white knuckle and force ourselves to not indulge

Eventually, number 2 will fail. Sorry. We are too mortal on our own.

Here is the third option:

3.       Surrender it.  Let it go. Let it out of your hand. Admit defeat and resort to complete humility.

I like this. I can stay sober today. Not because I can do it but because God and others can help. I’m too weak.