First Step Inventory

quick post then I'm going to go outside enjoy this nice weather.


I made a huge stride in recovery this week. (doesn't mean i'm now magically clean and I can relax now)

I wrote up my first step inventory.  This is something that we do in SA.  I have been discussing recovery with a sponsor.  My sponsor has been in the program for a long time.  He is in a really good place.

An inventory comprises of all the history and details of the addiction.  This isn't even the thorough fourth step inventory which i will write later which goes into resentments, angers, fears, defects.  This inventory answers the questions:  Why am I an addict?  How did i end up at a SA (sexaholics anonymous) meeting?  Why do I need it?

I spent two hours on Thursday writing. 14 pages. I had a great deal of emotions come up because of it.  It is one long road of crap. This addiction is such a disease.  There are only two courses with addiction:  either you slowly degenerate to death or the worst form of acting out you can imagine or you stop entirely.  I can see over the course of more than a decade of how I cross one line after the next. Over and over.  Lust cannot be satisfied. It always gets worse.  It doesn't just go away either.   

I had my sponsor read the whole thing. every page.  In two weeks I am going to share it with the entire group, but they will get me.  No shame anymore.  We've had enough of that all our lives.


We have to get this stuff out of our system! It is like a plugged sewer line.  You have to pump all the sewerage out.  Not even mere sobriety, not even mere "I haven't looked in a while", will cure us of this.  To be honest, you are never cured, you are in recovery.  Just like a cancer survivor, you simply have to remain in recovery and live with hope and dependence on God.  Only God can fix this anyway.

Cleaning up the mess may take a while.  I accept this fact.  It will be hard. The damage was bad enough in my life and bad in other's lives.



One day at a time.  One bucket full of garbage and sewerage to scoop out at a time.