I am still typing thoughts on this blog. I committed to doing 30 posts in 30 days. I'm beginning to resent the "30 days of something". I only want to worry about now. I've missed days but today I need to get some thoughts out.
I want to write some thoughts on the 'pleasure of sinning.' I'm feeling kinda sick that I wrote about this yesterday. Pleasure. People in this world (including me) go through such ridiculous lengths to get it. Trying to be fit. Trying to make more money. Wearing fancy clothes. Manipulation. Dishonesty. etc.etc.
What is the big deal?? Pleasure cannot be the sole objective of our lives. It just can't be.
What about joy? And peace? And being filled with the spirit and having the companionship of the Holy Ghost??
This is what I truly desire. Why do I not do the things that lead to that type of happiness>??
Sure, we get pleasure from sinning. But it leaves you alone and distant from God. I don't want that. I want to just type it out and let it sink into my soul. I want want to feel love and excitement. I want to feel comforted. And to relax. And to have some sort of connection.
All this porn and lust.....it is so fake and hollow. It doesn't lead to any sort of lasting happiness. It just doesn't. All the addicts know the feeling.
My prayer today is to find in God and find within myself all the things that lack in me. The frustrated moments. The hopelessness. The false 'intimacy/pleasure.' I can do so much more than all this. Dang, I have been so corrupted for so long. It is very difficult not to dwell in self-loathing.
I am going to continue to have a solid day today. I'm going to go home and read some scriptures and connect with God. I don't need all this lust and fake pleasure. It is stealing. It is robbing. From each and every woman that I lust after. It is taking.
I want better things than that.
I feel a sense of loss. I feel deep remorse. Mourning. For so much that this addiction robs from me. The disconnect. The disattachment.
I feel God's love right now. He is so merciful with me. So patient. I don't know how or even why he does it.
So did you do it? Did you read your scriptures? I'm going to check up on you too!
ReplyDeleteLust is so hollow. Yet, it's such a struggle to give it up. But it is worth it! We can only feel peace from God. And it is worth every sacrifice.
I did. It was short. I didn't read saturday or sunday though...Of all days. But I read this morning.
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