More battles, yet one more victory

Yesterday was intense.  I'm trying to evaluate it from a physical, emotional, and spiritual standpoint.  I don't particularly like doing a day's recap.  I don't particularly like trying to 'figure out what went wrong.'

I did survive the day. But I felt like I fell asleep with enough battle wounds to last the week.

Physical:
 I didn't get to bed at a time I would have liked.  I spent Sunday night at the house of an old coworker/friend. He has 3 cute little kids. I totally made friends with his daughters. We stayed up late-ish watching the Tour of Flanders (go Cancellera!!)  And I ate 2 big cups of ice cream before going to bed. (post b-day ice cream that is)

So I woke up a bit tired and not the best in the stomach.  I also didn't get a chance to do a workout during my lunch break.  In fact, because of work being so busy, i didn't get a lunch break.

Emotional:
I actually didn't feel too off in this category. I'm usually triggered most when I'm emotionally off. Either I'm whining and self-pitying about being a single, alone addict (boo hoo). or I'm resenting someone that has a life that I envy. But yesterday...that wasn't the case.

Spiritual:
I did read scriptures for about 15 minutes in the morning. It was shorter than I would have liked. I really have to be in bed on-time to read effectively. (i did so this morning...and I feel great.)  I tried to keep God on my mind and have a prayer in my heart.

Mental:
This is where I burned out. I had so many things to do yesterday and not much moments for mental breaks.  However, I can always take a 60 second break. Sometimes that is all that it takes.

Well, the moment of battle came around 4:30.  I just finished eating a PB&H (honey) and had a moment of peace. I wanted to just veg for about 2 minutes. Sadly, the only thing that my brain can come up with is to cruise facebook or some news article.  And I get hit with a lust hit. I wanted to view a site i have to before in the past. I looked it up. I did. I came across some video with a very attractive model. It was too much. I closed down the window. My brain was seriously about to shut down. Point of no return. It took everything in my power to grab my phone and start texting. I texted every person I could think of.   The responses started pouring in. I kept texting. Over and over. I got probably 7-8 responses. I sang hymns over and over.  I prayed and prayed.  I wanted so badly for it to pass. It was exhausting.

I left work around 6 and made a Monday evening meeting. I feel so safe at meetings.  The spirit of recovery recharged me. I soaked it all in.  I even shared what had happened to me that day.

After that, i went to a birthday party. Chilled with some people. Made a couple of new friends.  I went to bed on time. Said my prayers. Thanked God for that day.

And while in bed.....huge trigger to masturbate!!  Good grief!!  This was almost intense as the battle before!  I wanted to so badly.  I would have been over in minutes.  But I had to scream out in my mind..."Father let this pass!"  I recognized that it was merely Satan messing with me.  I do sincerely believe that some triggers aren't always rooted in us and all the mess in us....sometimes Satan and his forces throw 'cow pies' at us.

I focused on happy things. "think  happy thoughts"  And I sang a hymn i've memorized over and over.  I laid on my back and didn't move. And just prayed sleep would overtake me.

And I did sleep. And I had great dreams. And I felt great this morning. In fact, I felt the spirit especially strong while driving to work.

These are my battles. Not always daily but certainly regularly. One freaking day at a time!!  ugg.....