Surviving Vegas

What an intense weekend.  Yet, it was a good weekend. Recovery is starting to work.  (not to jinx myself).  Here is the low down.  So for a late Christmas present me, brother, older sister decided to take my younger sister to see a Cirque du Soleil concert in delightful Las Vegas.

I really wanted to do it. I am a huge fan of their shows. Never had seen one live though, but we had rented the DVDs of the performances.  I am just in awe at the physical ability and talent of these performers.

Well, we spent the majority of the day in St George visiting family.  I really did NOT want to spend any time cruising Vegas.  I hate the place, for obvious reasons.  My older sister knows of my addiction and I tipped her off beforehand that I wanted to avoid ‘the Strip’ if possible.  (what a terrible name for a road…)  I also let my sponsor know and about 5 other guys.

We got to Vegas with about 90 minutes to kill.  My little sis hadn’t seen the lights and the fountains and the great and spacious buildings.  So I had to endure walking from Treasure Island to the Bellagio and back.  (p.s. those fountains are sweet!)  I had to pray non stop!!  Constantly averting my eyes.  Luckily, I am a huge fan of architecture so I tried to look up the whole time.  (Don’t look down because the ground is covered in salacious material)

We stopped to get food….(in Mcdonald’s) and I texted several people. Everyone was giving positive encouragement. 

It’s kind of interesting to think that there are so many people going to Vegas and loving it and having such a ‘good time’ and drinking and all this visual garbage. I am okay if I never go to this place ever again.

Well, even during the performance, which was not erotic by any means. There were a couple of female dancers throughout the show with not much on. Talented and strong women. But yes, attractive. I acknowledged that.  I had to pray during the show as well.  And lust wanted me to give me so badly….”come on it’s part of the show! She’s not TRYING to be all sexy”.  It didn’t matter. I couldn’t focus on that. I survived.  I made more contacts after the show was over.

Then the aftermath before going to sleep. I had to write a journal entry and get it all out.  While saying my prayers I just got viciously attacked. I had to plead and plead with God to let these images go.  Everything thing that entered my system throughout the evening and also any image I’ve ever seen was fair game.  This lust had entered my system despite my best efforts.  I honestly did not want trouble but whether you intend to or not…..if you see a bad image, then it’s going into your system.  I had to get it all out.  It is exhausting.

Fortunately, I was so super tired that I fell right asleep (and my dreams were weird and full of triggering scenes and images…..sometimes we get no reprieve even when we sleep)

Church in the morning. More intense prayer during the sacrament.

I made it. I stayed sober.  I made a few phone calls that evening and went to a meeting.  The meeting was awesome. Lots of honest shares. I shared my weekend and got it all out.

I have done some hard things in my life and these kinds of experiences have got to top the chart.

Here’s to a sober Monday!