#2 Numero Dos

Well, here's to day 2. I stayed sober yesterday. Yes!  I have gotten to a point where I honestly am grateful to God every day that I survive. Seriously every day is a battle. You addicts know what I am talking about.

The dailies. The DAILIES!! I got a comment about those yesterday.  It is honestly the key to success. Recovery is a complete lifestyle change. How we do things. How we don't do things. How we think. How we feel.  I have to be willing to do whatever it takes.  I'm not at that point yet.  I want to be. but maybe not enough.  The summer fun is really hampering my recovery.

This week, i probably won't be attending a meeting tonight or tomorrow and i'm going camping from Friday to Sunday. I'm going to a soccer game and tomorrow I have an evening work meeting. I double commit to doing my morning study. 

this morning I spent 30 minutes writing in my journal.  I'll be honest, it was mostly about how I am going to get through this week and how I'm going to have to start avoiding a certain girl in my ward. This is the same one that I have had a few chats with. I haven't shared with her that I am an addict and I feel if i did the only intent would be to try and scare her off. (which doesn't seem to work....in fact, quite the opposite, the girl feels extra special that I shared something personal and somehow end up liking me more)

I've done somewhat decent at my dating break too, but this girl is quite clever and very determined. Every time we do anything, she always recommends about 10 other things "we need to do sometime." I'm semi-good at dodging things but I actually do like spending time with her.  I'm being SUPER careful not to get affection or make promises.  But I'm such a people pleaser and hate letting people doing.  I don't think she especially likes being rejected.  She likes to 'go with the flow' but also direct the flow.

So my goal today is to keep a positive attitude, stay connected with work tasks (luckily I have a hundred different things to do), take each tasks one at a time (not get overwhelmed), and make some contacts throughout the day.

As far as the girl, keep things friends, not do activities that require alot of alone time unless it's public. And maybe starting next week....not spend as much one on one time together.  It may all just end it hurt feelings. That seems to be the only outcome with relationships...

Next week is my family reunion, so I'll be tied up with that. Next weekend, I'm thinking of going on a long solo backpacking trip. I've been wanting to do this for a long time.  I could use it.  I won't have anything to lust at when I am way up in the mountains.  And the long personal time will allow me to recharge. I only properly recharge when i can be alone.