New week checkin.

Now I know most people consider Sunday to be the first day of the week, but it is the last one for me.  Monday is what starts the week.

I had a really good last week. I stayed on top of all triggers and temptations the whole week.  For the battle is not against porn and MB…it all starts with emotions and with lust.

This has been a huge revelation for me.  The more I stay connected with God and with my support, the sooner I can deal with things when they come up.

Here are some examples:

I had to go into work on Friday (my day off) to wrap up things that I decided to postpone Thursday evening so I could attend an SA meeting.  I texted 4 other guys of when I started and checked in every 30 minutes until I finished. I stayed on task and did not take a single lust hit.

I like to swim laps at the pool. For the most part, I don’t have troubles there.  Friday afternoon, I get into the lane and the girl in the next lane pops out of the water after swimming a lap. Now she wasn’t wearing an immodest swimsuit. She looked like a nice girl. But yes, she was very attractive. I acknowledged that. And turned away and prayed for the girl best I could. And yes, I was tempted to look again. It was super hard. She even looked in my direction a couple of times. I even thought of ways to talk to her. But I had to let those go as well.  Even while I was swimming across I could see her, while taking breaths, of her walking toward the locker room. I literally had to switch to breathing on the other side.  I prayed and prayed. And had to stop at the end of the pool with my back to her to until I felt she was gone.  This is how I have to handle situations.

Saturday afternoon, I wanted to watch some NFL playoffs (great games btw!). I was alone. My roommate was in his room with a girl (that is a dicey situation….)  So I texted the same guys and told them I’d be watching TV alone. Again, I kept it to the channel and looked away on commercials that were bad.  Honestly, that was probably breaking boundaries, but I didn’t take a single lust hit.

All in all….i’m working recovery. For real this time.  I finished my first step inventory.  I wrote over 50 pages worth in the past 3 weeks.  I have not missed a single day of writing since Christmas.  I’m doing what my sponsor recommends and I contact him daily.  I all was able to attend recovery meetings on Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

I have therapy this afternoon. And I’m actually excited for it.  I’m anxious to get this sick thinking out. I’m tired of being damaged. I’m tired of being wired wrong.

Recovery is exhausting but it has to be done.

I heard a good line recently, “I have to chase recovery like I chase my addiction.”