Who do I stay sober for??

Well, I’ve managed 2 solid weeks in a row since my last crash.  I managed to attend 11 recovery meetings in those 2 weeks as well.  I have written in my journal every day. And I’ve managed to make at least 2 contacts each day. I met with my sponsor each Saturday morning to go over my specific assignments. I repeat to myself every time I walk by the TV “I can’t watch TV alone. I can’t handle anything on it. I am powerless over what is played on the various channels.”

Those are the things that I do to stay sober.

But they are only part of my process to stay in recovery.

What is this ‘in recovery’?
What is my goal anyway??
• “I want to overcome lust!’
• ‘I want to be all sobered up!’

Yes, yes, all those things.  But there seems to be a greater goal here. I am striving to become like unto God, the Father, and his son, Jesus Christ. I am just as eternal as they are.  I have a soul within my mortal body that is pure and infinite. I am an exalted being in training. That is what recovery is for me….it is undergoing a fundamental, spiritual change. I am being recreated. It is a divine process. It has to be done today. And one moment at a time.

In terms of recovery,  this transformation, I am learning new ways of seeing myself and the world.  And ultimately these are the changes that are producing sexual sobriety for me.

I am FINALLY taking to heart the notion that I MATTER.  I AM IMPORTANT. BEING SOBER DOES MATTER. TAKING EVEN AN OUNCE OF LUST IN MY SYSTEM MATTERS….IT PRODUCES A NEGATIVE RESULT INEVITABLY!!

You know why I didn't act out sexually the past two weeks???
• Looking at pornographic material – harms Warrior. It harms ME!
• Daydreaming about sex – harms Warrior. It harms ME!
• Fantasizing lustfully – harms Warrior. It harms ME!
• Masturbating just because it feels super good – harms Warrior. It harms ME!
• Checking girls out to get lust hits - harms Warrior. It harms ME!

I don’t want to indulge in this addiction not because I’m trying to make my parents happy, not because I am trying to win some girl back or be worthy, not because it will make me a better husband, employee, brother, friend, priesthood holder.  (those are good supplemental reasons….)

I don’t want to indulge because it hurts ME. It ruins MY life.  Take away my job, my family, my friends, my priesthood…..I will still be sober. I will still seek recovery.

This is one of the best changes I've ever experienced in the past 18 years