#16 It feels like a Monday...

So i don't know if i am going to be able to post every single day. I don't think I really want to. It feels like a weekend because I had a day off yesterday (which was a solid day....)

I have had a solid week. And it's been solid because I am living a life of recovery which includes doing certain things; letting go of fears, being real about myself, knowing my limits with what i view and what i think about, reading scriptures and recovery literature daily, connecting with others, praying my brains out that God will keep me sober for the next 24 hours.

I'm still full of fears and worries. I'm still triggered by just about anything and everything. I still know that I am completely powerless over lust. Not over sexual behaviors but my reaction and powerlessness over the lust is inevitable. I know that my mind and body still really enjoy the pleasure derived from viewing sexually stimulating material and masturbating. Ok, but life is more than mere pleasure. It is SO much more.

Here is my latest.  And I'm trying to be honest with myself on this and with others.  I got some input from a few people:  Pursuing dating opportunities while being an addict.

 I know there are a million variables. Ideally, I would like to have solid recovery and have 1 year of sobriety. I would like that. And maybe that still needs to be the benchmard.  But I also believe strongly that with God miracles can occur.  I know I have been holding off on this for the past several months. I'm still praying about this whether it is a good time for me or not. There are certainly external factors involved. I'm 28 and tired of playing the singles-ward games. Tired of dealing with annoying ward girls.  I like the idea of having one girl to focus on. I also really like having someone that I can care about, cheer up, support, and love. It is a huge part of my nature to be a defender and to be a 'man of the house.'

Last spring, I started dating a girl when I only had 1 week of sobriety. But I was commited to a program and I felt inpressed to pursue the relationship. That was single handedly the best decision that i made in 2012 and one of the best learning experience i ever had.

I have a date with a really awesome girl this Saturday.  I don't know everything about her but we chatted at great length Monday and Tuesday night. I would like to see where this goes.

I trying to not let the addiction rule my decision or cause me fear. I am still a very solid person. It is not my intention to deceive or hurt anyone.  I have a long way to go with recovery. That part is for certain.

We'll see what happens this weekend.