Blast, so i missed Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I went camping for the whole weekend and didn't have time. Plus my out of state brother and his family came in to town. I spent some time with them. This week will be the family reunion.
Summer time is tough to do recovery work!! Am i the only one who feels that way??
I did manage to go to church yesterday (even though I didn't bring church clothes...I looked like a homeless man)
I also had some spiritual experiences while being out there. I always seem to connect well with God out in nature. And I lost my car keys one night and prayed really hard to find them, which i did.
I am feeling a bit of stress about work and also how to handle this girl in my ward. She is really wanting something more. I've told her on 3 separate occassions that I'm not dating but it doesn't seem to matter.
She wants to either cuddle or be alone with me any chance she gets. And I am super super non-confrontional if i don't have to be. But when I get cornered, all the honesty spills out. I can be really blunt with people but I HATE hurting people's feelings. Hate it. This has been a real struggle for me with the addiction and also life in general.
I have so much anxiety about people (girls) getting too close to me. I am kinda resenting it actually. I wish they would leave me be. I guess I'm going to have to be more blunt. And if things are awkward later...so be it.
Dang, I think relationships are probably the hardest thing in the world to manage. If it wasn't for the fact that I know marriage is required and ordained of God, I'd probably be a pansy and never get married. I feel like I'll never have a stress-free life with being married. Maybe with a miracle i can overcome my anxiety about it. Maybe some recovery will make me feel more 'deserving/worthy' for all that.
It's ok to focus just on YOU for now, you know? Yes, marriage may be a good goal for the future, but you've said yourself that you aren't dating right now. if this girl won't back off, and it sounds like she isn't getting it, then you may need to just cut her off completely. She may be enjoying the chase/challenge. Girls are like that :) I agree 100% that relationships (and can I please include FRIENDSHIPS) are the most difficult thing. I am constantly struggling with my own insecurities and boundaries w/ them. Good luck to you!!
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